DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: A MUST READ ON WHAT TO KNOW AND DO

According to Wikipedia, Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior that involves violence or other abuse by one person against another in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation. It may be termed intimate partner violence when committed by a spouse or partner in an intimate relationship with the other spouse or partner.

This trend is eating deep into the society and as we can see by recent happenings domestic violence though mostly characterized by female victimization, is not exclusive to gender and so something MUST be done about it. The statistics from domestic violence are both overwhelming and alarming and if we continue to pretend that it doesn't exist it will slowly become a norm.

WHAT ARE THE SIGNS?

DISRESPECT: Many people overlook this sign but respect should be a major pre-requisite before entering into a relationship. Does he talk you down or belittle you? does he humiliate you, especially in public and does he get angry when you succeed? Again, even if he's nice to you how does he treat the waiter, the maid, and his workers?

Please do not overlook all this because domestic violence is a process that passes through stages and if he doesn't respect you or if he makes you feel less do not settle for less!

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOUR: It is normal for a partner to get jealous if the opposite sex is getting too close to their partner but when that jealousy is gradually graduating to obsessive behavior where he dictates your movements, who to associate with and when to move around... get your guards up!

ISOLATION: Look around you, are all your friends slowly disassociating from you? Are your family members always trying to avoid you? an abusive partner will almost always isolate you from your loved ones and try to break the bond you have in the name of avoiding a third party... keep your guard up if you notice this

BAD TEMPER: Every living human will always have a tendency to get angry but how you handle that anger is what separates you from the animal in the bush. If he verbally abuses you and gets angry over every little thing, that is a warning signal. If he has never apologized after arguments, especially in situations when he is obviously wrong and he is egotistical, also warning signals. If he forces sex on you regardless of whether he married you or not. that is abuse.

WHAT TO DO

SPEAK UP: We live in a society where women especially are advised to "swallow " whatever a man throws at her in marriage and men, are too ashamed to speak up.

Please, as much as I am an advocate for patience and perseverance in a marriage, definitely not in the case of domestic violence! stop making excuses for him/her! If he cannot challenge the police and SARS officers on the road no matter how angry he was it means that his anger can be tamed but he chooses not to. If he hits you once, it's a mistake, twice it's a double mistake but three times?? That is abuse! Tell someone you trust, not just anyone, confide in someone and involve the police if it's too heated.

MOVE ON: Stop bringing up excuses for your spouse, you spend hours in front of the mirror covering up the scars they gave you, you are not yourself anymore, and you live in fear and desolation... it's time to move on. Leaving a relationship is never easy and yes you might even still be in love with them in spite of everything, don't hate yourself for that. It is a process and if you can involve a counselor, always remember that you deserve better and that you should never ever settle for less. Somebody else is going to love you and show you what love is and how beautiful it can be.

BE INDEPENDENT: As a rule, I believe that each spouse should be financially independent before entering a marriage because when you are totally dependent on someone, they tend to always want to control you and you will always fall back and settle because it's where you feed from. Strive to be independent!

I hope this helped someone out there and for the men who actually feel like their women provoke them to beat try the withdrawal approach instead, a woman who truly loves you and sees that you are withdrawing from her will definitely come around, and if she doesn't move on! There are many fishes in the sea don't get yourself in jail because of anybody... No judge is going to hear that she provoked you.
Lets all embrace peace

DEALING WITH STOMACH ULCER

Hello everyone! Its been way too long since I posted I refuse to give any excuses and I greatly apologize.

I decided to do a piece on stomach ulcers because its something very close to my heart; over the past few months I experienced forms of pain that I never knew could be experienced. I had been in and out of the hospital several times and this was draining the life out of me. I was diagnosed with having a stomach ulcer. Stomach ulcers are painful sores/wounds in the stomach which can be caused by a variety of reasons from bacteria to NSAIDS to hyperacidity, you can google the rest for more info.

After my diagnosis, I thought things would get better and that finally my days of pain accompanied with constant vomitting and severe headaches would be over but sadly it grew worse. All the drugs and ant-acids were not working at all. I couldn't get up, I couldn't lie down because I was hurting all over

 my back, stomach, abdomen I really thought I was going to die because I felt that if medicine couldn't help me, how would I survive the hell I was going through and the constant trips to the hospital.

It was a really terrifying experience but thank God I made it. I remember struggling through the pains to go online and search for a solution when I came across a piece by someone else who had the same if not a worse experience than I did and she swore by unripe plantains as her cure. I was a bit skeptical about it but I decided to give it a try.

I told my mom about it and she got the plantains, washed, peeled and cut about 4 of it into very small pieces and put them in a 5 litre rubber thereafter, she filled the container that already had the diced plantain in them to half the container with water (This was the prescription I got online).

After that, the container was tightly closed and let to ferment for three days before I started taking it. Trust me it wasnt easy at all but I had to brace up and take it notwithstanding how irritated I was  and within 3 days I was relieved totally!

It worked like magic! by the third week I could run around he compound! I was really elated and so I decided to share for anyone who might be going through a similar experience.

The sticky nature of unripe plantains helps cover the surface of the sores and its best taken before every meal.

 Also, remember to always take pap, okro soup, cabbage juice and stay very far away from fizzy drinks such as coke, fanta etc and malt. Fried foods are also a no- no during the healing period and stay away from caffeine and NSAID drugs.

I really hope I was able to help someone out there who is probably struggling like I did, I know exactly how you feel and no you're not going to die and yes there is a solution!  All the best... xoxo