According to Wikipedia, Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior that involves violence or other abuse by one person against another in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation. It may be termed intimate partner violence when committed by a spouse or partner in an intimate relationship with the other spouse or partner.
This trend is eating deep into the society and as we can see by recent happenings domestic violence though mostly characterized by female victimization, is not exclusive to gender and so something MUST be done about it. The statistics from domestic violence are both overwhelming and alarming and if we continue to pretend that it doesn't exist it will slowly become a norm.
WHAT ARE THE SIGNS?
DISRESPECT: Many people overlook this sign but respect should be a major pre-requisite before entering into a relationship. Does he talk you down or belittle you? does he humiliate you, especially in public and does he get angry when you succeed? Again, even if he's nice to you how does he treat the waiter, the maid, and his workers?
Please do not overlook all this because domestic violence is a process that passes through stages and if he doesn't respect you or if he makes you feel less do not settle for less!
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOUR: It is normal for a partner to get jealous if the opposite sex is getting too close to their partner but when that jealousy is gradually graduating to obsessive behavior where he dictates your movements, who to associate with and when to move around... get your guards up!
ISOLATION: Look around you, are all your friends slowly disassociating from you? Are your family members always trying to avoid you? an abusive partner will almost always isolate you from your loved ones and try to break the bond you have in the name of avoiding a third party... keep your guard up if you notice this
BAD TEMPER: Every living human will always have a tendency to get angry but how you handle that anger is what separates you from the animal in the bush. If he verbally abuses you and gets angry over every little thing, that is a warning signal. If he has never apologized after arguments, especially in situations when he is obviously wrong and he is egotistical, also warning signals. If he forces sex on you regardless of whether he married you or not. that is abuse.
WHAT TO DO
SPEAK UP: We live in a society where women especially are advised to "swallow " whatever a man throws at her in marriage and men, are too ashamed to speak up.
Please, as much as I am an advocate for patience and perseverance in a marriage, definitely not in the case of domestic violence! stop making excuses for him/her! If he cannot challenge the police and SARS officers on the road no matter how angry he was it means that his anger can be tamed but he chooses not to. If he hits you once, it's a mistake, twice it's a double mistake but three times?? That is abuse! Tell someone you trust, not just anyone, confide in someone and involve the police if it's too heated.
MOVE ON: Stop bringing up excuses for your spouse, you spend hours in front of the mirror covering up the scars they gave you, you are not yourself anymore, and you live in fear and desolation... it's time to move on. Leaving a relationship is never easy and yes you might even still be in love with them in spite of everything, don't hate yourself for that. It is a process and if you can involve a counselor, always remember that you deserve better and that you should never ever settle for less. Somebody else is going to love you and show you what love is and how beautiful it can be.
BE INDEPENDENT: As a rule, I believe that each spouse should be financially independent before entering a marriage because when you are totally dependent on someone, they tend to always want to control you and you will always fall back and settle because it's where you feed from. Strive to be independent!
I hope this helped someone out there and for the men who actually feel like their women provoke them to beat try the withdrawal approach instead, a woman who truly loves you and sees that you are withdrawing from her will definitely come around, and if she doesn't move on! There are many fishes in the sea don't get yourself in jail because of anybody... No judge is going to hear that she provoked you.
Lets all embrace peace
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